Brianna ♥

How am I suppose to walk around like everything is ok? My world is falling apart. The one person I used to turn to for everything has turned his back on me. My best friend is going to military camp all summer. I fight with my family. I have nothin to escape to. So please tell me what am I suppose to do now? Who am I suppose to turn to?

I don’t know how anyone can just walk away from somebody they “love”. Didn’t it hurt when you turned your back on them? Don’t you ever miss them or have those random thoughts on how it used to be. Do you even miss any of it? Or was any of it true? I just don’t understand how I can’t even put my feelings into words but you walk around like I’m nothing.

How can you walk right past me like nothing ever happened? Like I’m nothing to you. Just a stranger you pass everyday to get to your next class. Can you open your eyes and see what your doing to me? Of all people, I trusted you with everything. What do I get? I get an empty room filled with thoughts that run through my head day in and day out. I get stuck with all the “what if”. Was it all a lie? Did you ever “love” me. And if you did like you say you did, why did you throw it all away? Six months getting to know someone. Learning all their pet peeves, favorite thing to do, all the things you hate, learning how to function in your household. But now I can’t tell why your running. Are you running away from something you dint want or are you running away from something your scared of?

How is this my fault? You make it seem like I asked to have a sprained ankle. It’s not my fault. But it doesn’t help that your in my ear about this house not being clean, how your kids don’t listen, and the other bullshit you like to throw at me. You have no idea what is going thru my head. Not only did I sprain my ankle so I have limited mobility but I also an stressing over ap tests coming up. I don’t need you bitches about everything that’s wrong in this house. Why don’t you act like a mother and take care of your children and stop making me take care of you. Why dot you try and at least understand how hurt I am that I can’t play softball for a few weeks. Why don’t you try being my mom instead of my friend. I could really use my mom right now…

Have you ever felt like enough is enough? That at some point what your doing isn’t good enough anymore and you just need to quit. That the point I’m at. I’m at the point where I could care less about anyone and their feelings. It’s time for me to step it up an get what I need done. It’s time for me to leave all these childish games behind me and do something that will help my future. I know I might regret this tomorrow but right now it’s the best thing for me. And I’m the only person I need to be worried about right now. Not some boyfriend, or friends, or even people that think they r my friends. No it’s time for me myself and I. It’s time for me to rid my head of all this nonsense! If I only I had the courage to do all of it..

I feel like I can’t do anything right. Everything around me is slowly crashing down. I’ve gotten use to being able to turn to you when I need someone but now I feel like you’ve turned your back on me. Why? Now is a time I need you the most to push my they the struggles of life and your no where to be found. Please don’t leave me to do this on my own. I need you. I need you in my life. Don’t do this to me now. Please. Don’t go.

This time last year, I was all cuddled up next to you sleeping in my bed. Not a care in the world it was just me and my baby girl. Super Bowl party made you exhausted so we were laying down trying to get some sleep. Little did I know I was going to lose you in a matter of days. Now it’s been almost a year and I can honestly say it doesn’t hurt any less now as it did then. My heart still breaks every time your name is brought up. Just now I don’t cry every hour of every day. I only cry when I can’t take the pain anymore. And today is one of those days… :’( 3 

I’m pretty sure this is not my fault. Ive told you for how long I need my damn physical and you wait till last minute? Than bitch at me because I made other plans tonight? Well guess what eff you! I don’t need this shit. You suppose to support me and get me places where I have to go, not make me feel like shit and want to cry. I’m can’t fucking wait to move out. This is dumb af.